It is Not Cool to Move to La Sierra

Life sucks when someone moves to the big fish pond of Riverside, or more specifically, La Sierra University. The days are dim, the nights are empty, the stars not quite so bright, poetic prose flows more freely than the Pacific Ocean, more instances of gagging due to reading poetic prose, etc. The promise of a continuation of the previous year’s adventures is shattered like a mirror looked upon by a hideous face. The only slight hope is the occasional visit on long weekends of a Honda Civic (not an Accord).

There are potentially “better” boys down there, according to certain peoples’ parents. While this interesting hypothesis merits further exploration, who says that certain people need a boyfriend anyway? Certain people aren’t even done being a teenager yet, for goodness’ sake. Certain people might just want to live with cats and knit for the rest of their lives… Just kidding. If you’re an eligible bachelor, please comment on our blog.

Some may argue that there is better shopping in Southern California, especially L.A. After all, L.A. is where fashion reigns supreme. But, it’s not like Northern California is lacking in fashion sense. There are the Napa Premium outlets, where one can purchase items from stores such as J. Crew, Banana Republic, Gap, and BCBG. This is certainly where one’s craving for “upscale” fashion can be satiated within a reasonable budget. Also, there’s San Francisco and other Bay Area shopping areas for all one’s shopping needs. Anyway, how necessary is it to be fashionable in this economy? We should be saving our money for education, and the children. Always think of the children, we say.

Certain people may at first be excited at the prospect of possibly going to Disneyland at every given opportunity. However, it is possible that the initial magic of Disneyland fades over time into a dark, dismal vortex of disappointment at a high price of tickets, parking permits, and overpriced theme park food. One may also quickly discover that the pleasure of being a child in “The Happiest Place on Earth” is not the same as an almost adult. Disney products (i.e., Hannah Montana,The Jonas Brothers, Zac Efron) are also by products of the devil, and exposure should be severely limited.

Perhaps one of the great disadvantages to living in Southern California, is the fact that one’s life will be shortened by many years, due to the devastating smog and sludge that will accumulate in one’s lungs and cause premature death. How can one compare the thick, brown air (if you can call it that) of Southern California, to the mountain fresh, tree filtered, wine scented mix of oxygen hosted by PUC? Where else can one enjoy both vineyards and forests from the freeway? Where else can one run around outside without developing asthma? Okay, you can do that in Oregon, but that’s not the point. We are not trying to be morose or morbid, we are simply trying to state the truth. People deserve to know the truth, and we will say it with integrity.

But by far, the greatest thing that sucks about someone moving down to La Sierra, is that someone will miss all the people at PUC. The converse is also a true statement. The friendships and memories made here are not able to be monetarily replaced, unless of course, with a very large check. This could be partly because at PUC, everyone is stuck there together, with little freedom unless one has a car, creating a sort of Stockholm Syndrome. But the point is, they are all in it together. That is, once they know they’re all stars, and they see that. Anyway, the feelings associated with this particular point, cannot be adequately expressed, so we will just say: THIS SUCKS. A LOT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

P.S. We are not PUC recruiters.

Published in: on September 13, 2009 at 11:27 pm  Leave a Comment  
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